On the eve of my thirtieth birthday I had a little breakdown.
I found myself consumed with strange emotions I couldn't quite put my finger on. And to tell you the truth, I still don't know where all of that sorrow and sadness came from.
My husband asked me an interesting question as I was trying to work through my frustrations.
Do you think you're unhappy because you look at stuff to buy all the time?
It was an odd question. One that made me defensive at first. But it was an interesting question.
I do look at clothing websites a lot. Usually before bed, as a way to unwind. Sometimes I order stuff. Sometimes I don't.
The stuff I do order, I don't need.
I like to buy, just to buy.
I have lots of stuff in my closet with the tags still intact.
This constant state of wanting, possessing, acquiring, and accumulating is exhausting. It certainly wasn't the sole reason for my anxiety about turning thirty, but I do know that this was weighing on me.
I really enjoyed the process of paring down my wardrobe, but I also used the creation of the capsule as an excuse to shop.
This time around, I'm taking a cold turkey approach. I've enacted a personal prohibition against, not only shopping for any clothes, shoes, or accessories for myself for 90 days, but also from trolling the web aimlessly looking at stuff.
So from today, February 8, 2017, until May 9, 2017, I have banned myself from shopping and internet "window shopping."
Wish me luck!